White Light Meeting
with the Deep Voice
Questioner
By Jon Pritchard
July 27th 2012 was just another day in the scheme
of things if you would have asked by my standards in my daily life. Someone who
has been in construction on and off for over 20 years is used to aches, pains
and every other sore muscle you can think of.
I guess this day seemed a little different in the fact that I woke up
and could barely move my right arm. I had bumped my elbow the day before really
hard and 4 days before this I also received a deep puncture wound from a nail
or screw on my right elbow that had been oozing with pus all week. No big deal,
it’s just surface wound, cover it with a bandage and get back to work I thought.
Happens all the time, why should this be any different than any other injury I’ve
received.
My elbow had swelled up during
the night and I had a walnut sized bulge sticking out of my elbow, but
this one hurt pretty badly that morning and it caught me off guard. I was supposed to have a morning
appointment in Minneapolis, but put it off because of my elbow pain. Not
thinking of it in any other terms than just a really sore elbow, off to work I
went. I had a 12:00 appointment to
unload a semi-truck with warranty windows in Lakeville, MN and really wasn’t looking
forward to unloading these with a sore elbow now. Oh well it’s only
about an hour or 2 of work I thought.
Luck had it in my favor for this unloading. Only 7 warranty
windows to unload and most of them where under 50 lbs. One was 99 lbs. and hurt
quite a bit getting it off the truck. Awesome I thought. 10 minutes of unloading
and 30 minutes to unload the work trailer, clean it out and I was officially done
working for the day. I could have gone and done some cash jobs around the metro
area but I told Randy whose windows I had just unloaded that I just couldn’t move
my right arm at all today and had better let it heal up for a day. I had gotten out of the trailer and my swollen
elbow had noticeably grown to twice the size it was before. It was ok I
thought, just a swollen elbow, no big deal, I could treat it with some ice
packs and soak it in some water when I get home, so off I drove back to Red
Wing.
45 minutes later and I was back in Red Wing in our drive way and my
smiling 8 year old daughter Tori is giving me the guilt smile because I didn’t
bring her to the Video Trading Company to get a Wii game like I had said I would the day before. From about 2pm – 5pm I just lingered around
the house, trying to keep from bumping my elbow on anything. Erica and I took
Tori on her special trip with Mom and Dad at around 5:30 or 6pm to VTC in Red
Wing. Walking around the store Erica and Tori had already picked out their
Wii games and I should have noticed but I just couldn’t make a decision and was
having trouble concentrating on what game I REALLY wanted. Erica and Tori were bugging me because I was taking so long. Finally I picked out
a game and we all got back in the van.
At this point I knew something just
didn’t feel right in my stomach and I told Erica I wasn’t feeling well and
wanted to go home instead of to the store to go get some ice cream. In 10 minutes we were home and I decided to go outside on
the back patio and sit in the sun for a while and wrap my elbow with an ice
pack. I thought it might be good for me to get some sun for some reason I
guess. I started sweating and feeling more and more uncomfortable but the heat felt good at this point. Erica came
out after 10-20 minutes and looked at my right elbow and noticed a red line
going from my elbow all the way to my armpit and became alarmed. Her 6th sense
was going off and she decided to make the straight line down to the computer
and start searching the internet for some solution to this red line on my arm.
She knew something was wrong with me. I have no Idea how long it took but she
was up from the basement and telling me this was an infection and giving me
treatment options. Of course she said we need to go into the ER and get it
looked at, but like the normal worker man type I said don’t worry about it,
I’ll be fine, I just need to sweat it out and treat it like a man. Looking back
on it now some basic knowledge on serious infections may have saved me some
grief in making the right decision a little quicker. Never the less I decided
to start soaking my elbow with some Melaleuca oil and warm water to clean my
elbow out. This seemed like my favorite option so that’s what I did. Normal
dinner food didn’t appeal to me so I told Erica I was craving Grapes, Oranges,
and Strawberries.
Since I wasn’t feeling well she drove me to Wal-Mart to get my fruit
goodies to heal me all up. I’m a big believer in Hippocrates
philosophy “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food”. So
of course I wasn’t going to take any meds or at least it would be the last
resort in my way of thinking. We bought all my fruit,
some bandages, gauze, dressing wrap, and a sling for me also. I thought this
would take care of it all and back to normal for me in a few days.
Groggy and
feeling out of it, we made our way back home and sitting in the kitchen I had lots
of grapes and oranges. They were going down so good, I almost felt normal for
15-20 minutes while eating and then it quickly wore off. Nausea and tiredness
came over me and I felt as if I needed a hot shower to start sweating this thing out, so I went
right in and took one of the hottest showers I’ve ever had and still felt
shivery and cold. At this point I knew I had a full blown fever and now it was
time to take charge, sweat it out and get it over with, so I put on some sweats
and a tee-shirt and sat on the couch all bundled up with blankets watching the Olympic
gymnastics with Erica. It was around 7-7:30pm, not long into the sweating
session and now a horrific head ache came barreling over me with nausea and the
muscle shakes, all my fruits I just ate wanted to make an exit.
Erica gave me
penicillin, blood flow, headache and joint supplements to try and make me feel
better to no avail. I felt like total crap. I felt like I was headed down hill
quickly. Rapid heartbeat and labored breathing was coming on strong. Delirium tremors were causing my muscles and
body to shake so violently 5-10 minutes later and I couldn’t even keep my head
up to look at the TV. Feeling utterly
exhausted and sick I went down stairs just to try and change my environment to
see if it would make me feel any better. I got downstairs and walked into the
laundry room and had the first of what would later turn out to be a series of
audible voices in my head.
It seemed as
if it were a scene right out of the Movie “Meet Joe Black” with Anthony Hopkins
and Brad Pitt. Anthony’s Character hears a whispering voice talking to him in
his head. Staring into a foggy gaze looking around in the laundry room I hear a
long drawn out whisper in my head. “You’rrrrre goooooing toooooo diiiiiiiiie”.
Not something I
really wanted to hear in my already fragile state all messed up and with the
sickly shakes coming over me. Adrenaline kicked in and this really freaked me
out. I took a huge breath in trying to calm myself down and relax a little bit.
I knew this didn’t feel right at all hearing this voice in my head. I have
never heard any audible voices in my head before. Well OK maybe if I had too
much to drink and thought I heard something in a drunken state, then maybe, but
I was definitely not drinking and hadn’t drank anything this night. I was
totally freaked out and scared.
I headed
upstairs pretty much in freak out mode trying to calm my breathing down and think
straight. I decided it was now time for a cold shower because I was really hot
and also knew being this hot and not breaking into a sweat yet could be really
bad. I was getting hotter and hotter with no sweating. Shaking and trying to remain under
control of my body I get half way through my shower and hear the long drawn out
whisper again. “You’rrrrre gooooooing tooooooo diiiiiiie”.
This time it breaks me down and I can’t take it anymore. I started
crying in the shower and saying“oh God please
help me”, and I hear another long drawn out whisper in my head again. ”Wooooork
withhhhh Ericaaaaaa”. I finally get it together enough to get out of the shower, get
dried up and I made my way back out to the living room to sit on the couch with
the Girls. I don’t remember but Erica said I sat on the couch for about 15
minutes wearing only a towel and I told the girls to get her downstairs.
She
was on the computer still researching on how to get me all fixed up and back to
normal. I put on some swim trunks when Erica came upstairs. Why I decided to
put swim trunks on I have no Idea. I’m sure the high fever had something to do
with it. The second whisper that comes to me now is “Truuuuuust yourrrrrrr wiffffffffffffe” also in a
long and drawn out whisper. Now I’m sick and all messed up in the head trying
to figure out what this also means. Obviously great advice, I in no way was
convinced and ready to go to the hospital, YET. For some reason hearing voices
in my head saying” you’re going to die” didn’t scare me enough to go to the
hospital just yet.
It starts to get
fuzzy on what happened next, but Erica said I told her ”you need to help me” and I grabbed her arm
and dragged her outside on the sidewalk to pace around for a few minutes in
front of the house. By this time it was between 8:30-9pm at night and I’m
walking around outside only in my swim trunks asking Erica to help me. Erica kept asking how she could help me and I
kept saying” I don’t know”. Of course I was lying to myself and somehow now knew
I needed to get help immediately, but I just couldn’t think right at the time.
I dragged Erica back inside by the arm and
paced to the kitchen and then I told Erica I wanted to go back outside again.
Erica put on her shoes this time and I grabbed Erica’s arm again and walked
outside. Erica asked me if I wanted to
go for a walk and I didn’t respond, so she asked if I wanted to go for a drive
and I got right into the passenger side
of the van. Erica got out of the van to go get the keys and I said “don’t leave
me, don’t leave me”, Erica said” I just have to go get the keys”. Erica came
back and said I was rocking back and forth in the front seat of the van
breathing heavily. Erica felt my forehead because I said I’m really hot. Then I
heard the whispers again, “truuuuust yourrrrrrrrr wifffffffffffe”. I told Erica “God told me to trust
you,” Erica “tell me what to do”.
At this point it seemed this audible voice to
me could only be God because I was praying continuously in my head” God please
help me” and this was the voice I was hearing. Erica went back into the house
and grabbed an Ice pack and put it behind my neck while I was sitting in the
van. I started saying “God help me God help me, God told me to trust you, tell
me what to do". Erica said” if you want God to help you then you have to believe
in Jesus as your savior”. I was fading fast and knew praying for Jesus to help
me obviously could only help the situation and maybe even work this time
I thought. I started saying” Jesus is lord, Jesus is Lord, Jesus is Lord, Oh
God Please help me”.
I took a deep breath and laid my head back on the seat and
my whole body felt relaxed and numb. I told Erica "I’m at peace". It really did
feel as if it helped or at least I thought it did for a moment. Erica asked are
you at peace because you proclaimed Jesus as Lord or are you at peace, because
God is making you feel better. Then my answer to Erica was “I’m dying”. Right
then I felt as if my soul or spirit was trying to get away from me and leave my
body. I really felt like I was dying. Erica started the van and ran inside to
tell Haley we were leaving; she got back into the van and took off for the
hospital. 5 minutes later I got out of the van and headed for the ER.
Erica was
surprised because I got out and was walking before her in the parking lot
toward the ER doors. I stumbled into the Emergency room almost running into the
doors because I couldn’t keep my head up. Erica headed straight for the registration
counter holding me up. There was a chair in front of the counter and I tried to
sit on it but physically I had nothing left in my body at this point to even
hold myself up. I slide right off the chair and lay on the ER hallway room
floor feeling as if I was ready to let go at any moment. I felt as if my heart had 10 more beats in it
and that was all she wrote in my book.
Then my arms and legs went completely
numb. I felt as if I only had a torso with organs and nothing else. A few
seconds later it seemed as if all of me went numb. This was the first time
since earlier this evening and I started to feel comfortable and maybe even a
little bit relaxed. There lying on the hospital room floor with my eyes closed the
blackness opened up and slowly changed into what seemed like a white boardroom
setting. Almost like looking at the sun with your eyelids closed. There was no
table but it seemed as if I was in the center of a White Light room. It felt
very peaceful and I began to lose track of my body sensations and I couldn’t
feel anything or I just wasn’t fully aware of my body anymore.
Then 5 or 6
shadowy figures that looked like ghostly , soul, spirit figures that you would
see in the movies, began slowly moving
from my head down to my feet, some on the left and some on the right and they started looking me in the eyes and
smiling at me, whispering very gently and comfortably, “what are you doing
herrrrre?” Wow, totally not what I was expecting to see in this white light. I lied of course and said, “I don’t know”. I
knew right away this was like every
movie and book I’ve ever read
where someone is checking out for good and has the white light experience with
spirits, souls except I’m the one whose about to die on the floor.
Again is seemed as if they all
smiled at me again flowing back and forth and said in a little more concerned
sounding voice “what are you dooooing herrrrrrrrrre” What am I seeing here I thought. Are
these really angels or spiritual guides I’m seeing. Again I lied and said” I
don’t know”. A few seconds later they
all seemed to float right past me heading back over my head and behind me and
they were gone. None of them looked familiar and I couldn’t make out any
features on them at all. Still laying
down on my back it felt like I was in this white light room and feeling
completely at peace, comfortable even.
The next thing I remember is I felt as
if a huge shadow of a head leaned over my face from behind me, I couldn’t make out
any facial features, but it felt like something very serious was about to
happen, and in the deepest voice I have ever heard, says “whaaaat dooooo
youuuu waaaaannnnt ?”
It seemed as if this
question was really drawn out and took 10 seconds to ask it. It felt like
someone speaking though a bunch of deep base woofer speakers. My whole body
seemed to shake with deep vibration. Feeling the gravity of this new deep
authority voice I somehow knew this was a very important question I had been
given. So what did I want? Here I am having the White light Meeting and this
voice has to be God I thought. I know this voice. God is
asking me what I want. I shouldn’t be here. This is not right I thought. I need
to answer this question now.
My first
thought was Peace. I knew this white light meant I was in big trouble and
quickly became aware of my body and knew this was not some normal meditation
peace I was thinking of. This is the meet with God peace that you don’t come
back from. My body felt weak and I knew I was somehow slipping farther and faster away from my body. My next thought
was I want to be with God. I knew this white light meeting might be relationship
and question time for me. I might be able to hang with God for a while, cool, this is going to be great I thought. I could be in this place for what seemed like
an eternity and just watch God do his thing in the world and ask all of the
meaningful life questions for all time and get the answers, this could also be
what I’m looking for. Then I had another pause and my last thought was “I want to be with my wife Erica”.
A few seconds later I had what I can only describe as a flash forward. It moved
very fast, like watching (50) 3 hour movies in super-fast forward in 3
seconds. The first thing I noticed right
away was Erica and the girls attending my funeral. I watched this first part a
lot slower it seemed to me, and then it sped right up after the funeral. They
were going to family get togethers, vacations, Prom, Sports, the girls
graduation, college, marriage, grand children, Erica’s hair turning Grey and
all my grown up children now with their own families and children, and I wasn’t
anywhere in this whole movie seen. As if I had watched their lives from afar and not been apart of any of it.
This felt very wrong to me that life moved
on but I wasn’t there for any of it. I just watched it all go by. It’s at this point that I became fully
aware of where I was in the hospital laying on the floor and what this question
really meant for me and my family. This was the question that seals the deal.
Peace, God, Family. I’m dying on the floor in a hospital and this is it. The
weight and heaviness of the situation came rushing on quickly and I knew this
meant a form of change for me there was no going back from. It felt really good here in the white light,
so peaceful and comfortable and I hadn’t quite made up my mind, but knew time
was of the essence here, when there was another question in an even deeper,
slower, soothing voice.
“ Whaaaaaaat
doooooo
youuuuuu REAAAAALLLLLLLLLY WAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNT ?” Now I was completely
terrified and scared for the first time since the whole white light opened up
and I was feeling comfortable on the floor. This question was so much deeper
and meaningful in tone than the previous one that I felt the consequences as
permanent to this one question in my life. Life literally vibrated on this most
important question.
Now was the time. The presence of this question meant there
are not 3 options out of a possibility of choices this time. There is total and
concrete finality to this one question and once it is made, change will be
forever decided. There is no going back. The Deep voice is waiting, now time
is growing short. The peace of the white light is what feels good now and makes so much
sense to me in this moment, but I know it’s not what I REALLY want.
I’m sad as I realize, I know I’m supposed to
be in this fast-forward movie and I’m not there at all. I just watched my whole
family live a complete life without me and I suddenly know I need to be a part
of this flash forward movie I’m not in and make the final decision. I finally let go and it felt as if I gasped
for air into the white light asking “Oh God please let me be with my wife and
kids”.
Faster than a light switch the white light meeting was over. I went from
what seemed like the most peaceful and comfortable loving place I’ve ever been,
like a relaxing vacation, camping by the fire with family and friends to feeling
the most intense white hot electric burning pain that I’ve ever felt in my life. it seemed in a millisecond I was back in my body and fully aware I was laying on the
hallway floor. The heat was so hot it felt as if someone had cut open my chest
and was cooking my organs over a grill. I heard Erica right away talking to the
ER doctors and telling them what had happened during the day, penicillin and
supplements I had taken.
Soon after the nurses picked me up and got me onto a
hospital bed and rolled me into a room and started some IVs. I was cooking at a
nice 104.8 degrees with a severe blood infection, the Drs. Diagnosis is right
elbow bursitis and cellulitis with sepsis, syncope episode likely related to
sepsis, anxiety, and Hypokalemia. Lots
of meds and 4-5 hours later I started to breath normally and come out of shock
in the ER.
I told Erica that I had just experienced the white light meeting with
the deep voice questioner. I told her I would have never gone to the hospital
if I hadn’t heard the voice in my head to trust her, which is true, I wouldn’t
have. The Drs. later told me I would have died by morning for sure, if Erica
had not taken me into the ER. I heard
another audible soft whisper in my head while I was laying on the ER bed recovering.
“Thank her, she saved your life, you were going to die”. I immediately started
sobbing like a baby and told Erica the whisper I just heard and thanked her for
saving me.
Over and over I thanked God for saving me after this experience. It
was like nothing I’ve ever felt before and knew this really was a chance at
seeing the world in a new light and to truly thank God for everything, every
day of my life. Thanking God over and over after waking up finally gave another
audile whisper in my head. “You are blessed”.
By this time I think it was 2-3am in the
morning and they said I was ok enough to be moved to ICU. This went on for 4
more days of fevers between 100-103 degrees, IV antibiotics, Tylenol, and
anxiety medications to remain calm during this whole time. The last day they
moved me to a regular room and my fever broke in some intense sweating sessions
during the night were I woke up at 5-6am completely soaked, but my temp was
slowly starting to stay under 100. I had also gained 7 lbs. in water weight
from the IV drips during this whole ordeal, going from about 160- 167lbs. Erica
of course stayed by my side this whole time and barely left the hospital for 5
days. She slept right next to me every night in the hospital. I couldn’t have
made it for 5 days without her for sure. I had a few really sick days in the hospital that she stood
by me while I shook violently and had physical reactions to all the medications
I was on.
One of the most
shocking things to me at this point was when I asked God why this happened to
me, I heard an audible response in my head, “Because you wanted it to”.
How
could this possibly be I thought and then looking back it dawned on me. I had been spending time in meditation and
prayer, anywhere from 5 minutes to over an hour over the last 5-6 years asking
God why other people have visions, intuitions and hear the voice of God
speaking to them, and why I don’t have that same experience. I would tell God
it’s not right that only certain people have these experiences, everyone should
have them, what makes them so special.
I
REALLY wanted a personal connection with God, not the read about it in a book
or see it in a movie this sounds cool, but not really feel it personally experience. This was truly what I REALLY wanted. To have a REAL experience with God. To me this whole experience meant
there is a God with a really deep voice and there are questions God has for me
and it’s up to me to decide where I go from here.
No absolutely not in a
million years did I want anything close to this near death experience? I wanted this experience to be at home,
peaceful, sitting in my chair at home or lying in bed in meditation like I’ve
done so many times before praying, having a deep conversation with God about
the meaning of life and reason for it all, and for God to guide me to a
fulfilling rewarding life.
This is the way I wanted have this experience go, I wanted
to hear a voice or see a vision from God all warm and fuzzy inside, safe at
home just God and I all alone together, nobody else but God and I One on One. Then again for me it just shows, I need to be
aware of what I Really wish and pray for, I just might get it. I got The White
Light Meeting and an answer to my prayers, just not how I was expecting it.
